self-development

Changing of the seasons

As summer comes to an end and autumn slowly takes over the ship of natures life, so changes my personal life. The leafes slowly turn from green to red and brown and also the shades of my life shine in different colours than a few months, weeks, days or hours ago.
It’s a constant flow of “good” and “bad” changes, if one wants to label it. As life is a play of balance, there is always good in the bad and bad in the good.
Latley I had a lot of ups and downs and it felt like I started to lose control over the decisions made and someone else chose for me.
I decided to sit with myself and dive deep into myself and figuring out what I will make happen in the future and as I sat there solely, a deep freedom took me over and brought me back to my essence – which is pure light and lies in simply being. And there, every question I was asking, was already answered, inside myself. It lies all within us, but sometimes we need a little reminder, that we already have it all. ūüôā

So I went away from my own insecurity and stepped into my goddess-power again. I got back my energy and saw the things clearly again. I choose to take action instead of letting someone else make the decisions for me.
And even if its a rough sea that I’m sailing through at the moment, I know that I and my surrounding will eventually change again, as winter is coming.
For me life always gets harder when I clinge to things, situations or people that are a part of my life at some point. Real freedom lies in letting go, in non-attachment and in knowing that there are so many more things to come in life.

Hopefully, when I’m mentally “walking through a dark and dusty valley” agian, I will remember those lines I wrote, when I was present in my strong and authentic self and I will read them and remember who and what I really am – pure light and love.

self-development

The magic of new beginnings

Each and everyone of us human beings has their weakpoint, be it alcohol, work or even the desperate need of being loved. It took me quite a while to figure out what my addiction was. It was just recently, when I found myself daydreaming about packing all my stuff and imagined myself living a life somewhere next to the sea with my Laptop in one hand and my surfboard in the other hand. I got interrupted by a voice that sounded  oh so far away, but it actually was somewhere in my head, just whispering the words I rejected to hear for so long.

And what that witness in my head said, made me face a truth¬†about myself. It became¬†so obvious,¬†that I’ve made these daydreams come to reality quite often in the past few years and that leaving everything behind, or fleeing from everything, was one kind of a pattern, that I’ve been practicing to perfection¬†for¬†quite a while¬†now. I realized, that I was addicted to the magic of new beginnings, to the unknown future, to reinventing myself, but for what price? First of all it was quite expensive to build a new life once a year, and also exhausting to find places to live, build new relationships and become a part of the social network. As if this was not enough, I realized, that I was so euphoric about everything in the beginning, but burned out so fast and never managed to finish long-term projects like studying or working for a company longer than 2 years.

So I decided to sit with myself and really think and feel about it and I came to the conclusion, that I may not like this part of myself, but I have to accept it and dig deeper, putting away layer after layer and eventually I will figure out, where this pattern comes from and how I can make peace with it.

I didn’t give in to my daydreams just yet, because¬†this time¬†I want to find out, what’s there to learn for me. I bet, what I will realize will be magic. And that is¬†also kind¬†of a new beginning . The beginning of an era, where¬†I will not¬†flee in a blindfolded way, but where I will enjoy the¬†magic of looking closely and¬†exploring myself a little more.¬†

Travel

The call of the gypsy soul

“If we were meant to live in one place, we would grow roots”. That saying appeared so appropriate to me, like the absolute truth. Still, I couldn’t find the courage¬†it to live my life according to it. At the age of 20 I chose the conservative way of studying law and working for an attorney, but it just never felt as if this life was meant for me.

It took me a few years to reach the Point of complete Desperation, until I realized that I was living someone elses dream and that this was not my purpose. Out of that Impulse I quit everything from one day to the next, sold my furniture, moved out of town and never regretted it ever since.

I still haven’t figured out where or what my final destination is, but I’m curious about the journey, with all it’s ups and downs and about getting to know myself better every single day.