self-development, Yoga

Self-trust

I’ve had a wrist injury 10 years ago. It made me quit playing the violin and made me lose trust in my body. I didn’t even realize – only in hindsight – that this injury made me feel weak, that it made me think my body is not capable of things I didn’t even consider twice, before the injury. I remember avoiding putting weight on it, even avoiding using my left hand, if not absolutely necessary.
Even after I’ve recovered, that pattern stuck with me.
I’ve started practicing yoga a while after my injury and I’ve always avoided arm balances, handstands and everything that could drain my wrists. I always wanted to do crows and wheels, but only practiced half-heartedly. And I also realized, that I used this injury as an excuse. I was hiding behind it, for it is easier to say ‘my body doesn’t allow me to do this’, than ‘Hey, I’m new to this and I’m not good at it’ or even ‘I’m not new to this, but I’m not good at it’. I was fascinated by that insight, and of course a little bit ashamed of it as well.
And than there came a turning point, about half a year ago. Mid practice, I decided that I no longer wanted to be the victim of those patterns, of my past, of my thought-carousel. I allowed myself to be a beginner, to be not good at it, to fail and fall (over and over again).
And eventually over time, my arm-balancing practice became more steady, more balanced and I gained confidence.
Realizing the difference between what doesn’t serve my body and what is just thought patterns, took quite some practice, as this can be easily confused.
The closer I listened to what my body, my ego, my thoughts really told me, the easier it was to listen to what feels good and the better I got to know myself.
It felt like with the growing confidence, the strength came back into my wrists, into my body and by now I feel even ‘good enough’ to teach those Asanas.

Is there a thing, that you would like to do, but are too afraid of trying? Because you are not good enough in this or that, not strong enough, not tough enough, not adventurous enough, not educated enough, not intelligent enough? (I could go on with the the list of ‘not enough’s’ for longer). And of course the arm-balancing example is just one out of many situations in my life, where my thoughts keep tricking me into not believing in myself, but now that I’m aware of it, it is easier to decide against that harmful self-talk.
One thing is for sure – you will always find a reason not to do something.
But if you look the other way, you might as well find 10 reasons why it’s worth trying.

Health, Mobility, Movement, self-development

Embody your Movement.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself what this mysterious thing is that I’m so passionate about, what it is that I call Embodied Movement.
Well, it could actually be anything and everything – and that’s the thing about it.
There are no rules, nobody that can tell you the right’s and wrong’s, do’s and don’ts. It’s neither dance, nor Yoga.
This will probably not be a satisfying answer for you.

So I will let you know, what it is and does to me.
I always wanted to be a dancer. Started Ballet at a young age and gave it up a few years after, I tried gymnastics – it wasn’t for me. I loved dancing in clubs, where nobody was looking, where I could move freely, but the atmosphere was toxic. During studying I came across pole dance, which I really liked, but it didn’t get to my core.
I have always been looking for more.
More than those rigid patterns that someone has invented, but that never really fitted for me. I came to the colclusion that dance is just not for me. That it’s something you have to be very flexible for, where being able to do splits is a necessity and where you need to be able to follow a choreography, which I would always forget. So i just gave it up. I stopped dancing. And I stopped listening to the urge, my body felt.

During my long Asian Yoga travel I was at this Extatic Dance, which I absolutely adored. Nobody was drinking, it was daylight, no talking, no phones, no nothing, but you and the rythmn of the beat. I completely let go and danced it out for hours.
When the music became quieter and people slowed down util they layed on the floor to relax in Savasana, I kept sitting and feeling.
And I saw this couple. They were dancing. Without choreography, a style I didn’t know, something modern and passionate and honest and raw and everything that filled my heart with all the love for dance that I had forgotten about for so long.
Tears kept running down my face and my heart was bursting.
This was the moment I knew I had found something profound.

This moment kept me digging and seeking for a danceform, a form of expression that allows me to be me. Suddenly all those amazing teachers came into my life, just at the right time.
I went to so so many dance and bodywork classes, I gained all the knowledge possible. About animal motions, solo dance, partner movement, self-trust, intuition, flexibility-strength-workout. acrobatic styles and much more.

But in the end, all the knowledge didn’t make any difference. Because all the knowledge was already inside of me, it just needed someone to guide me to that place inside of me, to that spring of joy and expression and passion. Watching the dance of those two people and finding my inner voice healed so many parts of me and allowed me to stand in my power.

If you silenced your inner desires a long time ago and didn’t dare to release them since, then take a slow step, allow yourself to open up. Find someone that guides you gently to your inner wisdom, it can be whoever and if it is me, it will fill me with so much gratitude to be part of your growth.

Health, spine, Yoga

It’s just bones

To be exact – 24 freely moving bones with 23 intervertebral discs, as well as sacrum and tailbone. So why is everyone making such a big thing out of those tiny bones?
Because it’s the spine that allows us to stand upright.

“You are as old as your spine.” – Chinese proverb

and this proverb could not be more right. if our vertebrae or discs suffer, our whole being suffers, movement gets painful or impossible and even sitting and breathing can cause tremendous pain.
Not only the elderly are affected by those sicknesses – like slipped disks, pinched nerves, skoliosis, or “just” severe backpain caused by years of too little movement or wrong posture. More and more young people need to frequently visit their physiotherapist or use painkillers and this is alarming, especially as there is so much you can do to prevent to avoid or enhance your condition.

This is where Yoga got me first.
I’ve never recognised back pain, I seriously thought this tension is normal, feeling stiff is part of every-day-life and needing a massage therapist is not only popular but necessary.
It was maybe my fith time trying Yoga that I realised the lightness and difference after practising and I was astonished to feel relief where I didn’t know there was discomfort.

This is where Yoga really got me. It made me feel good on so so many levels. It made me feel young, energetic and gave me the freedom to move in any way wanted.
Yoga has evolved over hundreds and hundres of years and has gathered so much knowledge about the spine, what it needs and how to preserve the fountain of youth coming from it. All the stretches and motions into different directions, the circles the gentle stretching and squeezing (consiously with a lot of awareness) awakens what our spine is for, as we tend to lose all those abilities of it over our monotonous (non)movements.

If I had any advise for you to strengthen your health, it would be – strengthen your spine!
Get up, stretch, hop on your mat, draw circles with your body, get tiny, get big. Create seperate movements with the different parts of your spine – cervical , thoracic and lumbar spine. It’s like a wake-up call for the hidden magic inside of your vertebrae. You only need to give your spine 5 minutes after geting up and work in the 6 directions of

  • flexion
  • extension
  • lateral extension (right and left)
  • twisting /revolving (right and left)

and you will soon feel the benefits of this powerful practise.
Give it a try – your body will be thankful!